+
You sure you want to hear the gossip?
+
Sometimes, not knowing something about your friends is simpler than knowing
+something you know you aren't supposed to know…
+
TL;DR: If you are gossiping, please handle information which change attitude
+towards others with care and maybe share them with consent of the listener.
+
Some time ago, I was casually talking with my friend, let's call them Alex.
+For one reason or another, we got to gossip and I learnt a new, very private
+information about our mutual friend, Bay. I knew Bay would not
+expect me to know or possibly even want me to know at that time, yet the new
+part of their identity would require me to behave differently around Bay in
+order not to hurt them.
+
That turned my interactions with Bay into a bit of a minefield:
+
+- If I behaved according to what I learnt, I may easily overstep Bay's
+boundaries and invade their privacy, possibly quite badly.
+- If I kept my old behaviour, I would feel like I am actively hurting Bay.
+- If I accidentally slipped my tongue in front of Bay and they notice, I still
+ending up invading their privacy as in point 1.
+- I am also prone to sharing the gossip, maybe accidentally. I would be to
+someone else what Alex was to me, and I certainly didn't want to cast this
+"curse" on anyone.
+- If Bay subconsciously noticed I am behaving in line with their secret and in
+another interaction I wouldn't, they could feel invalidated (without an
+obvious reason why).
+
+
It sucks, it made talking to Bay needlessly stressful. Please don't do that.
+
So, to reiterate the message: Please gossip *safely* and *consensually* about
+stuff that is private in nature and would change attitudes towards people.
+For the queer stuff, this can be rephrased in layman's terms as please just
+don't out other people to people who do not explicitly want to know.
+
+
(Again, maybe gossip safely anyway, but for the "regular" gossip you can
+usually hide what you know without feeling that bad.)
+
+
+