From 6638c2efce3533819c40bfe681c183eecf372a83 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Pavel 'LEdoian' Turinsky Date: Tue, 21 May 2024 16:21:53 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] agender: language fixes --- content/hello-im-agen.rst | 69 ++++++++++++++++++++------------------- 1 file changed, 35 insertions(+), 34 deletions(-) diff --git a/content/hello-im-agen.rst b/content/hello-im-agen.rst index 0fc405d..df55bcc 100644 --- a/content/hello-im-agen.rst +++ b/content/hello-im-agen.rst @@ -28,9 +28,9 @@ wrong feels weirder), thanks. Also, my own identity and feelings may change in the future (as they certainly have in the past), so while I'll try to add an obsoletion banner to the top of this article when/if that happens, if you think I'm inconsistent with what I -have written here, please also ask. +have written here, please also ask me about that. -This is a quite general post, I would like to write separate articles going +This is a rather general post, I would like to write separate articles going into more detail. I'll add them here, but before I do that, feel free to ask me [#asking-bad-questions]_. So, let's get into my gender! @@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ How to behave towards me Important disclaimer: Especially this section **only talks about me**, other agender people may feel differently. Do **not** assume anything about other -agender people from this! +(agender) people from this! Language -------- @@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ In relation to others I am not completely out yet – in fact, sharing with "whoever on the internet actually cares about me enough to read my blog" currently seems like one of the -safer ways currently. So while me being agender is not a secret anymore, I +safer ways. So while me being agender is not a secret anymore, I wouldn't like it to be the "gossip of the day" either (it's not a good talking point and I am giving way too litle detail here for anyone to be able to represent me accurately anyway). Don't out me just because you can [#coming-out-to-some-people]_. @@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ specifically, I think the best thing is to hint that I am *non-binary* as the reasonable compromise between misrepresenting me as any binary gender and fully outing me. Also try keeping in mind that the term "non-binary" is an umbrella term that conveys even *less* information about feeling of self than "man" or -"women" do. See also ``__ below. +"woman" do. See also ``__ below. If the listener knows me, you can tell them to ask me if they are interested in more. That is more preferred approach than referencing this blogpost, because @@ -187,7 +187,7 @@ Labels: Labels itself are mostly useful as approximations of what someone feels. They are useful to relate to others and in communicating, but almost never give full information themselves. Some are umbrella terms for many experiences, which may have their own label; however, -this does not mean that by using the sublabel one also identifies with the +this does not mean that by using a sublabel one also identifies with the umbrella term which the sublabel is canonicaly part of. It is **up to the person themself** to determine which labels they want to use, labeling others against their will is inappropriate/rude. Sublabels that are not widely known @@ -232,7 +232,7 @@ My gender labels (Not general anymore, this is solely about me again.) I use the following labels to describe my experience with gender to most -people: agender, genderless (synonymous definition to agender), non-binary, +people: agender, genderless (synonymous in definition to agender), non-binary, enby. My microlabels are out of scope of this post (to keep it short and not give undefined words). @@ -257,29 +257,30 @@ gender-nonconforming, genderfluid. FAQ: Forcefully avoided questions / Fairly anticipated questions ================================================================ -I guess people will ask, so let me just put some answers here in advance :-) +I guess people will ask, so let me just put down some answers here in advance :-) How do you know you really are agender? What will you do if you start feeling gender? Is it just a phase? The label is just a way to put a name to what I feel now. And no, I don't have all the answers [#reference]_. Using the label allows me to find other people with similar feelings, learn how they navigate possible challenges and - puts my mind at peace that I am not completely insane/broken. If my identity + puts my mind at peace that I am not completely insane/broken/alone. If my identity changes, I'll try to find comfort in another label probably. If it is just a - phase, so be it, still it probably has something I can learn about myself. + phase, so be it, I can probably still learn something about myself from it. -Does anything change about you? +Does anything else change about you? Yes. Apart from what I have written on this page, I realised that I do not have to follow gender stereotypes/expectations for myself, so I started experimenting more with my appearance. Confused a few people already :-D What if I accidentally outed you? - That's life, and it's not like it can be undone anyway. Since me being - agender is low-key public information anyway, it is not a big deal to me. - However, if you tell me who knows, it will help me be ready if they start - asking unexpected questions (esp. because when someone first interacts with - queer people they might be unintentionally insensitive). You can also tell the - person you outed me to that I am basically fine with them knowing, so that they - `know my boundaries <{filename}/do-not-gossip-identities.rst>`__ w.r.t. my gender. + That's life, and it's not like it can be undone. Since me being agender is + low-key public information anyway, it is not a big deal to me. However, if + you tell me who you've told, it will help me be ready if they start asking + unexpected questions (esp. because when someone first interacts with a queer + topic they might be unintentionally insensitive). You can also tell the + person you outed me to that I am basically fine with them knowing, so that + they don't `need to metagame <{filename}/do-not-gossip-identities.rst>`__ w.r.t. + my gender. What do you have between your legs? Not answering this one. You wouldn't ask your teacher. You wouldn't ask your @@ -301,10 +302,10 @@ Closing thought This is a rather sensitive topic, not just for me, but for many people who are struggling with/doubting/hiding their gender (and the doubts can return or be -persistent). While this post is not focused on other such people in -particular, I'd like you, my dear reader, to try being considerate to other -experiences/feelings similar to mine. Many other people are not in the position -they would feel safe to talk about these struggles. One of the reasons I am +persistent). While this post is not focused on other such people, I'd be glad if you, +my dear reader, try being considerate to other +experiences/feelings similar to mine. Many other people are not in a position +to feel safe talking about these struggles. One of the reasons I am writing this is because I want/need more people to try considering these challenges (and through that help spread understanding) and I am "lucky" that I can be relatively open about it, at least on the internet and in some irl @@ -317,37 +318,37 @@ groups. .. [#asking-bad-questions] If you are not sure whether your question would be bad to ask, try being sensitive and tolerant and ask me anyway. And be sure I know I don't have any obligation to answer, so if I don't, respect it. (I - don't think I am likely to reject you, but still I think this boundary is - better explicitly stated.) + don't think I am likely to reject you, but still I think it is better to + explicitly state the expectations.) -.. [#grammatically-neutral] In fact, I am now trying to use netutral +.. [#grammatically-neutral] In fact, I am now trying to use the neutral grammatical gender for myself, but as a language exercise, not as the - definitive gender for myself. You don't need to keep this in mind when + definitive gender to use. You don't need to keep this in mind when talking with me, though – I will adapt to whatever grammatical gender we use. .. [#coming-out-to-some-people] There are several people I want to make sure I - come out to myself and when I am ready. I need them to understand me + come out to myself when I am ready. I need them to understand me correctly, it would be painful to refute any misconceptions they get from - other sources. This blogpost is written carefully and would be OK to for + other sources. This blogpost is written carefully and would be OK for them to read as an introduction, but probably still unnecessary. (Please don't go around like "Hey, I cannot tell you but LEdoian has an interesting post on their blog, go check that out", ffs.) -.. [#idk-how] I haven't thought about what failure modes of discussion of my - gender would be, but intuitively there are some, so I am adding this +.. [#idk-how] I haven't thought about what failure modes of discussion my + gender could yield, but I guess some could emerge, so I am adding this paragraph just in case :-) .. [#being-ally-is-more-acceptable] So far, being LGBTQ+ ally looks like being a safe position for me. I am not yet sure if being openly non-binary would be also safe. Therefore, while I can ~freely advocate for - queer/trans/non-binary people in general, standing up for me/myself in + queer/trans/non-binary people in general, standing up for myself in particular might have unseen consequences. .. [#incompatible-agreements-maybe] In the unlikely event you meet someone and you use different grammatical gender for me, throw a game of - rock-paper-scissors or something. Or use your way. "Don't make trouble and - agree on something!" + rock-paper-scissors or something. Or use another way to determine. "Don't + make trouble and agree on something!" .. [#ally-year-ago] To be fair, I didn't know the language a year ago myself and I still keep finding new words and descriptions of gender experiences. @@ -356,4 +357,4 @@ groups. .. [#dysphoria-question] Asking this question is also insensitive and possibly actively harmful towards people who feel distressed by the mismatch between - their gender and genitalia. Just please don't ask this. + their gender and genitalia. Just please don't ask about this.